People suck.
I give up on them.
My new best friends are animals.
They're much nicer. And they aren't smarter than me.
Humans are so annoying. Really, I dislike them immensely.
And being coerced into buying lingerie can be potentially traumatizing. (That's a rather long and entertaining story, I'll save it for another blog post)
Oh and ignore this perplexing outburst, I'm just miffed. More than one person chose to antagonise me today.
Bleh to the Human Race.
*runs away and hides inside a shell*

I haven't blogged in ages.
Its not as though I didn't have anything blog worthy to write about. Sure SMUN happened, as did my farewell party, but I'm feeling oddly detached.
Oh and I got a new template
Thank you Aninditha. I stole the link from your rather decorative page ;).
Yes yes, I know..it's garish and unsightly. But thats how I feel...not garish and unsightly.. well...maybe not that much... but a teensy bit emo and rebellious.
It's PINK... I know... After you're eyes have sufficiently recovered from the unnaturally bright hues, and I hope they do... I will not accept lawsuits for causing premature blindness due to over exposure to this blog... I hope to return to my whimsical rants.
Which have been sadly limited these past few days. I fear I have lost my beaver-ness. The essence of absurdity that usually sprinkles this virtual excuse for a blog.
It's 12:30 and I'm sleep deprived. And my pillows glaring at me. What if it decides to strangle me at night? Like those curtains last month? Or what if my fan decides to crash on me? Imagine the headlines "Homicidal Fan Kills Girl". What an ignominious way to die. Almost as bad as being crushed by an amorous camel, oh and that actually did happen, in Australia anyway. At least I don't own a pet camel.
Random thought. I never liked the phrase LMAO (Laughing My Ass Off). How hard must you laugh for your rear end to spontaneously detach itself. And I can even get visuals. Don't worry. They're all PG ;)
Anywho, I think I should try and sleep. And try not to squash the annoying bug thats buzzing around my ear *smacks wildly in the air... manages to poke her own eye...swears loudly at stupid bug*
Where's a frog when you need it.
Anywho, I have a late night extermination to attend to. And no, I don't want sympathy mail for the poor deceased bug, I'm sure it lived a not-so-long and fulfilling life buzzing around aimlessly. If any of you insect lovers care so much, I'd be happy to turn over the carcass. And you can have a bloody funeral for all I care. Just don't invite me to it.
Right, is this what I've been reduced to. Contemplating the death of a harmless fly at 12 in the night and planning on not attending its improbable funeral. Yup, I've finally lost it. Just wrap me in a strait jacket and throw me in a bug/fan/pillow/curtain free padded cell.
Bleh. I really need a life. And some coffee. And cookies too. And my own nation while you're at it.
Well, time to wind up this useless rant. I'm surprised you're still reading this. Really, you need protective eye gear to tolerate my new template.
Until my Next Spasm of Boredom then,
Gnite

RotoMUN!!

Picture: Courtesy Aditi!

I know it’s been a week since ROTOMUN happened and I guess I’m a little late with this but I did need some recuperating time! Well RotoMUN was QUITE eventful…

Ever been hit on by creepy Czechoslovakian delegates?!
Or watched in horror as a bottle of water emptied itself on top of your head?
Ever run away from fascist organisers who turn homicidal just because the only skirt you own happens to be denim?
Have you danced with 3 inch heels for around two hours?
Ever heard a glass-shattering rendition of the Burkina Faso National Anthem?
Ever heard of Burkina Faso?

Yes that was RotoMUN in all its *ahem* dignified glory. As you can see every one from the press/bench to the delegates were perfectly professional, prosaic and politely deferential. Well… most of the time we were….

As part of the Press I got to scare the delegates senseless… I realised I enjoy watching a person’s face contort in consternation when interrogated, their lips moving soundlessly, sometimes making incoherent sounds in a disastrous attempt to speak, their eyes bulging out in dread as they search for inspiration from the ceiling fans, their hands nervously ruffling through pages of research and then finally admitting defeat.

Okay… maybe I exaggerated a bit…. A tiny bit…
Anywho, I kind of derived this sadistic pleasure from watching these poor delegates break under scrutiny. I must have enjoyed my job a little too much as I was quite quickly deemed a bitch of unspeakable proportions. Wow, I can’t begin to describe how pleased I was.

Well that must sound odd. Why would I want to be known as a merciless tyrant?
Since most people consider me to be adorable/cuddly/lovable... worthy of being stuffed in a box and packaged as a stuffed animal… the intimidating/imperious side of me is usually shouted down. Hence, they tend to underestimate my inherent ruthlessness and barbaric need to induce suffering. Now, I can proudly state I’m SCARY!
Yaay me! *celebrates with a victory dance*

Of course, my newly established daunting reputation did not dissuade people from pinching my cheeks until they grew crimson and swollen to the point that the next day my face resembled a diseased half-mutant blowfish…

Arghh!!! Right, I just got insulted by an online quiz! It called me a CHICKEN?! And this test was supposed to determine my creativity quotient not which animal has a strange obsession with crossing roads! This means war! *grabs battle-axe, katana and camouflage gear*

Till Tomorrow
*yells battle cry and charges*

MUN, Mobiles and Misogynist Morons

Hear ye! Hear ye! Now announcing the reinstatement of a precious technological possession after a protracted period of absence and relegation into the sphere of redundancy.

In other words, my father FINALLY fixed my mobile! After 4 months and many making-international-prank-calls-is-not-classified-as-productive
use-of-your-time lectures, my phone has been rightfully restored to me. I need make a celebratory prank call. Now where did I keep the number of that long lost friend in U.K... *searches through a sea of random papers...nearly gets bitten by lunatic dog...gives up* Oh well... I can always prank call Mum in Ethiopia.

Apart from that I have been swamped with RotoMUN related stuff. I've been watching CNN obsessively. Well, at least I'm occupied... but I think I might be pursuing it a little too keenly. I've been dreaming about Megalomaniac OPEC nations and I distinctly remember being reprimanded for cursing violently about Senseless Chauvinist Fundamental Rights Violators...( read the Misogynist males of certain middle-eastern nations)

Anywho,with my phone back, I can once again engage in those ludicrous late night conversations when I'm half asleep and incapable of any coherent thoughts.
In fact... I'm going to post a snippet of the kind of messages I send/receive whilst on a high!!

Scene: Random Rainy Day

Me: Its raining!!! Me like the rain *does ritualistic rain dance thanking the gods*.. Yaay...*jumps into a puddle and drenches unsuspecting pedestrian*..oops..

Nandita: EXCUSE ME PREKSH! ARE YOU HIGH?

Me: Yes... *resumes dance*

Nandita: Really...OH LORD?!

Me: What?! Don't insult the rain gods, mortal..*curses Nandita using totem pole*

Nandita: Why have you gone MAD MY LOOPY PRIESTESS?!!

Me: Loopy, psycho, witchy priestess. And no, I haven't gone mad..just merely insane.

Nandita: Same difference my loopy/irrational priestess. Do the gods snigger at you as you run around your ummm....Pole?

Well, you get my drift. the rest of the conversation involved a morally-complex messiah, the submergence of New Zealand/Sri lanka, a couple of crooked staffs and a Math exam.

Right...Mum must be back...Time to wreck some intercontinental communication havoc!

LALALALA-OPEN!

*ahem* I kindly beseech you to pay heed to Resolution Avacado: I, Preksha Kumar, henceforth resolve never to call, contact, annoy, mail, eat lemony muddy gelato with those persons formerly referred to as her Friends.
You may now sit on the holy watermelon.
or not... Right... I just think fruits are sacrosanct at the moment. My faithful jester went loopy today. Yes by loopy I mean exclaiming-aiyoo-sniffing-bathrooms-loopy. Finally...my influence is rubbing off. Not that I sniff bathrooms...I prefer furniture.
Right where was I? Oh yes, Crazy Izzie! That rhymes! *does victory dance* okie... so today my loyal side-kick officially broke that tenuous grasp she had over sanity. That's when her 9th alter ego resurfaced. Unfortunately that happened to be the gender confused one. Never ever talk to a friend going through an identity crisis...*cringes visibly*. But I became extremely worried only when she started singing "LALALA Open" to her monitor in a near affectionate tone. Then she referred to me as "DA"... I just hope it isn't "Macha" tomorrow. Ah well... My jester's seeking her inner self. let's hope she doesn't look too hard.
Apart from that...my days been normal..until jooni started talking about eating grilled cats and warrior bunnies *turns green with nausea*. Oh and I helped a friend unlock the insanity within... I don't think that friend is going to talk to me for a while.
Cheerios... Must find those pesky windshield wipers
*bows to holy curtains*

Bloody Bob! Not at all Purkayastha

School officially started today... Well not for me... *grumbles in exasperation* Let me re-phrase that. Sophia's officially began today. Hence, I have been compelled to accept the fact that I am unavoidably alone...devoid of my usual slew of friends to keep me entertained. I've been spending unhealthy periods of time alone. So much so, I've been arguing with myself and quite surprisingly I lost the argument. Yes, I believe it's quite dangerous for me to be left to amuse myself for protracted periods of time. My stuffed toys are eagerly nodding in agreement.
I don't miss my school. I wholeheartedly welcome change. But I feel as though I've been temporarily discarded by Life. I've been relegated to the sidelines, forced to be a spectator, biding my time and anxiously awaiting the end of this interminable period of inactivity. I became almost wistful when Aisha described the various imaginative ways they (the newbies) were ragged involving hair-oil, pole dancing and the chicken waddle. And then I was accused of Bobbing... Yes bobbing.. If anyone has the remotest idea what bobbing entails then please do drop a hint. In light of such an unforgivable insult I had no option but to tell aforementioned pseudo-friend to go and Pukayastha herself...
Yes that's the latest trend ladies and farm animals... Instead of telling someone to..I don't know... drown in the nearest sewer/swallow a diseased dishcloth/jump in a well and/or bore their eyes out with an umbrella...you can effectively convey all the above mentioned insults with one word....Purkayastha... Isn't it positively magical. Of course, I must check whether the use of the word might violate copyright infringement. As some of you might have guessed Purkayastha happens to be Isha's surname and more formidably my former teacher's too...
Therefore, in addition to the above connotation, Purkayastha can also be used in the context of describing something as cool/remarkable/downright amusing. Ah, imagine the possibilities... of course credit needs to be accorded to Mehek, who first came up with this inventive substitute for slang. I was jabbering away unconcernedly in terrible French when Mehek (speechless and dazed) retorted rather confidently with the magic word-Purkayastha. Thus, a new historic semantic departure occurred. This is quite possibly the most revolutionary linguistic discovery of the past century.
Anywho...This blog further validates my need for some activity during this dreary vacation. I hope the following days will be more Purkayastha..

Pardon my French

Terrorizing McDonald's... A few minutes before the infamous rampage across Brigade Road...

Looking down at my exam paper, I gleefully observed how I wouldn't need to care about conjugating blasted French verbs. After nearly two months of French class involving rather imaginative french swear words and drunk Columbian pigs I now bid Au revoir to the open courtyard of Alliance Francaise.
To commemorate this solemn event I rejoiced by playing pool (horrendously), visiting mediocre Tibetan restaurants, ending up in McDonalds and having dessert at corner house whilst listening to the ribald songs from South Park. After deciding to end our escapades in style, we grabbed the Mcdonalds paper made caps (meant exclusively for those capable of monosyllabic speech) and marched purposefully down M.G road trying to sing twinkle twinkle little star in a Kannada accent.
Needless to say, we were given a wide berth and not-too-friendly looks. Not that we cared. The mildly intoxicating chilli sauce, sunshine and caffeine induced a maddened stupor in all of us. This boisterous bunch stomped across the streets terrorizing unsuspecting pedestrians and traumatizing a defenseless six year old. Such good times...*sniff*... I shall miss these spontaneous bursts of recklessness.
Oh well, must get back to Atonement...I really need a hobby.
May the sacred curtain gods bless you.